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I'm just that guy, you know? A hoopy frood Follow, plus one, like, subscribe, favorite, thumbs up... bacon... all that stuff. Please? Especially the bacon.

Anger Risen… 3

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I haven’t been this angry about a game in a long time.

I picked up Risen 3 complete pack on the Steam Summer Sale. I’m pretty sure I got the original two through Humble Bundle a long time ago, but I’ve only played about 5 minutes on one of them. That was also a long time ago.

I was looking for a new RPG and really wanted to play something new. Without boring you with the details, just let me say that I felt like I needed to buy something this Summer Sale in particular. Just before I moved to Minnesota, I decided to install and try Risen 2. For whatever reason, it constantly crashed on launch, and I was unable to play it at all. This happens, especially with older games, when you try to play them on anything higher than Windows 7Microsoft is trying to make sure everyone is on Windows 10, and I believe they are subtly changing things in the previous versions of Windows to make older games stop working.

I like Deep Silver, so I figured I’d give Risen 3 a try. It loaded up perfectly and automatically had all the graphics settings proper, so I was excited. I went in and changed my controls, like I do with EVERY GAME, and started the bad boy up. Apparently, I had unbound certain commands, because going through the first couple minutes of the game teaches you button commands. I got to the above scene and found out that I had left “Secondary Weapon” blank. as a result, I could not continue in the game. Trust me, I pressed every single button on the keyboard. I had to ALT TAB out and end the program.

Deep Silver is not new to gaming. This is amateur hour. If a button is required to play, it should be an alert before you start playing if it is not. At the very least, let a guy press ESC and set the button that is needed. Nope… this one just hangs there.

Like I said, I haven’t been so mad at a game in a long time. This is the fastest refund I’ve ever requested.

Twitch has no balls

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So… I’m a big fanboy of Devolver Digital. Looking at my posts and streams, that’s probably not a big bit of news for any of you. As such, and with the Steam Summer Sale, I finally picked up Genital Jousting. It looks unique, fun, and outlandish. I was also super-excited to stream the gameplay and my reaction.

I had only owned the game for about an hour before I tweeted my excitement.

Then I started thinking… maybe it IS against the AUP to stream it. A quick search revealed that it was, in fact, against the rules to stream Genital Jousting on Twitch. Ok, I thought, maybe I can do so on YouTube. A similar search gave me no answers. I scoured help files, forums, and everything I could on YouTube. Still no answers… my last resort was to ask them on Twitter.

Still no answer. It’s only been an hour, so I’m not too worried. Also, there are many videos on YouTube featuring Genital Jousting, so who knows…

It’s extremely sad to me that a person can stream games like Wolfenstein: New World Order, which is incredibly violent and realistic, but the sight of cartoon-y penis and balls is too much. The news can show videos of cops shooting black guys, but they still have to write “shit” in ASCII. It really makes you wonder… it does me, at least.